To Try
by Verboten Byacolate
Summary: I try not to be jealous when I see you loving him. I really do. [onesided KibaHina][major language][HAPPY BIRTHDAY, HIANA!]


A/N; For **_HIANA_** because it's her birthday! This was requested, and is probably the only KibaHina I will ever write, even if it _is_ one-sided.

Disclaimer; I don't own Naruto, and am making no profit with this fanfiction.

* * *

**To Try**

* * *

_::This may never start_

_We could fall apart_

_and I'd be your memory::_

* * *

I try. I really do. 

I try not to scowl when he grins at you. I try instead to match his grin and be happy for you, because I love (_love_) your smiling face.

I try not to growl instinctively when he holds your hand, because you look so happy. I try instead to imagine how safe you'll be with him.

I try not to glare when he becomes possessive of you. His arm around your waist makes me want to rip him to shreds; _I_ should be the jealous, possessive one. Not him. He has no right.

I try to smile when you talk on and on about how _he likes this_, or, _he does it this way_, or, _he would say such such about so and so_. I try to, instead, realize how _damn happy_ you are, and how you can't get that _fucking lovesick _smile off your face. Even though it is one of the rare times we are ever together. Even though you waste it by talking about _him_. I try not to blame you; you don't notice that you're talking about him. It's second nature to you.

Like breathing, or blinking, or smiling.

Because he is the air you breathe. And he's the quench of your thirst, and he's the smile, that stupid _fucking_ smile on your lips.

The lips and smile that should be_ mine_. Not his.

_I'm_ the one that has always been by your side. _I'm_ the one who trained with you, fought for you, lived for you, and in the end, loved only _you_.

_I'm_ the selfish one. And, dammit, I don't _deserve_ you! _He_ doesn't _deserve_ you. No one could possibly deserve... _you_. Because you are good. You are faithful. You are honest and loyal and trustworthy and hardworking and persistant and _dammit_ I **love** you.

Everytime I see you in his arms, I try not to avert my eyes. I try to tell myself I might as well get used to it; it's not likely that he'll ever let you go now that he's had a little taste. Because you are so completely _different_ from everyone else. You're _**addictive**_. And even he wouldn't be as foolish (_stupid, ignorant_) as I am. Only I would let you slip through my grasp.

But... you don't slip. You never slip. I _threw_ you.

I _threw_ you into his _damned _waiting arms. By not telling you- by not showing you that not only you can love.

I try not to notice how you two clash. Not the '_they're too **different**; she's not what he **needs**. He's not what she needs; they'll never last_' kind of clash. It was the '_they balance one another so well. They complete each other_' kind of clash. Even _I_ could see this.

I try not to refer to you and he as "**you two**". I can't seem to do it. It slips, and I find myself constantly referring to the both of you (there I go again) as a unit. You (_meaning_ _you and he; there it is again_) are not _one._ You are **two** people that clash, but everyone seems to make you out to be _one_.

The '_**you-two**_ monster' is my secret referance.

I try to make the time we have together count (_though it always will_). I try to keep you happy (_though it's no longer my place_). I try to build the assurance that I will _always_ be here, and will _always_ be your confidant. Even if you never need me again. Even if he is everything you'll ever need. Even if **you** and _he _finally seal your devotion. Even if you never know I've loved you.

I'll always be here.

I try not to be hurt when you think of only him around me. I try to say what I mean to say, and let you know. I try to hold you back when he comes around to take you away from me, and to **hold on one fucking minute!** because I never _see_ you anymore, and it makes me want to KILL him. But I can't. It would kill _you_. Because I realize (_I do, I really do_) that you **love** _him_. You have _always_ loved him. It will never matter how much I love you, because _you love him_, and because _he got you first_. _He_ got you first, and _he_ has the choice to keep you forever.

But what tears me up the most is that _I_ could have had you first.

I try not to think about this as I watch you two (_**dammit**_) walk hand in hand. I try to think about all the times where it was just _you_ and me.

I try to accept (_ignore_) the cooing of everyone _**you-two**_ pass. How can they grin like that? How can they have accepted _**you-two**_'s joyous (pah), all-too-sudden relationship? It's insanity.

I try to give you my best wishes when he announces to the world that _he_ **loves** _you_. But I can't help the small, bitter thought; _I loved you first_.

I try to feel joy, because you do.

I try to feel happiness, because you _smile_ and blush and look so **damn** _euphoric_.

I try not to turn my head.

I try not to cry the tears, fat with the bitterness within me.

I try. I really do.

* * *

_::Losing half a year_

_waiting for you here._

_I'd be your anything::_

_-Sugarcult, Memory_

_

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_

_. : Fin : ._

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**Happy birthday, _HIANA_!! I hope I didn't ruin your whole day because of this angsty crap D**

**-Bya-chan**

**P.S.- I hope I was able to pull of the Jealous!Kiba POV. I really don't know unrequited, jealous, secret love, sooo... yosh. I thought male-type people would probably use many different **_pitches _**and **_**tones**_** when speaking, though I'm not entirely sure. So sue me for being female. **

**I thought that, as he got further into his little rant that he'd only get more riled up, so, that's why I started giving him **_**the words**_**. Please don't tell me "oh, you cussed to much, n i didnt liek it". Because, frankly, since it's in character, I don't give a shit. This is 2007, folks. People use profanity. Get over yourselves. (Yes, I have had reviews like so before. It annoyed the hell out of me.)**


End file.
